The Fish-Foot-man took from un-der his arm a great let-ter and hand-ed it to the oth-er and said in a grave tone "For the Duch-ess; from the Queen." The Frog-Foot-man said in the same grave tone, "From the Queen, for the Duch-ess." Then they both bowed so low that their heads touched each oth-er.
All this made Al-ice laugh so much that she had to run back to the wood for fear they would hear her, and when she next peeped out the Fish-Foot-man was gone, and the oth-er sat on the ground near the door and stared up at the sky.
Al-ice went up to the door and knocked.
"There's no sort of use for you to knock," said the Foot-man, "I'm on the same side of the door that you are, and there is so much noise in the room that no one could hear you." There was, in-deed, a great noise in the house—a howl-ing and sneez-ing, with now and then a great crash, as if a dish or a pot had been bro-ken to piec-es.
"Please, then," said Al-ice, "how am I to get in?"
"There might be some sense in your knock-ing," the Foot-man went on, "if we were not both on the same side of the door. If you were in the room, you might knock and I could let you out, you know." He looked up at the sky all the time he was speak-ing, which Al-ice thought was quite rude. "But per-haps he can't help it," she thought, "his eyes are so near the top of his head. Still he might tell me what I ask him—How am I to get in?" she asked.
"I shall sit here," the Foot-man said, "till to-mor-row—"
Just then the door of the house flew o-pen and a large plate skimmed out straight at his head; it just grazed his nose and broke on one of the trees near him. "—or next day, may-be," he went on in the same tone as if he had not seen the plate.
"How am I to get in?" Al-ice asked as loud as she could speak.
"Are you to get in at all?" he said. "That's the first thing, you know."
It was, no doubt; but Al-ice didn't like to be told so.
The Foot-man seemed to think this a good time to say a-gain, "I shall sit here on and off, for days and days."
"But what am I to do?" said Al-ice.
"Do what you like," he said.
"Oh, there's no use to try to talk to him," said Al-ice; "he has no sense at all." And she o-pened the door and went in.
The door led right in-to a large room that was full of smoke from end to end: the Duch-ess sat on a stool and held a child in her arms; the cook stood near the fire and stirred a large pot which seemed to be full of soup.
"There's too much pep-per in that soup!" Al-ice said to her-self as well as she could for sneez-ing. There was too much of it in the air, for the Duch-ess sneezed now and then; and as for the child, it sneezed and howled all the time.
A large cat sat on the hearth grin-ning from ear to ear.
"Please, would you tell me," said Al-ice, not quite sure that it was right for her to speak first, "why your cat grins like that?"
"It's a Che-shire cat," said the Duch-ess, "and that's why. Pig!"
She said the last word so loud that Al-ice jumped; but she soon saw that the Duch-ess spoke to the child and not to her, so she went on:
"I didn't know that Che-shire cats grinned; in fact, I didn't know that cats could grin."
"They all can," said the Duch-ess; "and most of 'em do."
"I don't know of an-y that do," Al-ice said, quite pleased to have some one to talk with.
"You don't know much," said the Duch-ess; "and that's a fact."
Al-ice did not at all like the tone in which this was said, and thought it would be as well to speak of some-thing else. While she tried to think of what to say, the cook took the pot from the fire, and at once set to work throw-ing things at the Duch-ess and the child—the tongs came first, then pots, pans, plates and cups flew thick and fast through the air. The Duch-ess did not seem to see them, e-ven when they hit her; and the child had howled so loud all the while, that one could not tell if the blows hurt it or not.
"Oh, please mind what you do!" cried Al-ice, as she jumped up and down in great fear, lest she should be struck.
"Hold your tongue," said the Duch-ess; then she be-gan a sort of song to the child, giv-ing it a hard shake at the end of each line.
At the end of the song she threw the child at Al-ice and said, "Here, you may nurse it a bit if you like; I must go and get read-y to play cro-quet with the Queen," and she left the room in great haste. The cook threw a pan after her as she went, but it just missed her.
Al-ice caught the child, which held out its arms and legs on all sides, "just like a star-fish," Al-ice thought. The poor thing snort-ed like a steam en-gine when she caught it, and turned a-bout so much, it was as much as she could do at first to hold it.
As soon as she found out the right way to nurse it, (which was to twist it up in a sort of knot, then keep tight hold of its right ear and left foot), she took it out in the fresh air. "If I don't take this child with me," thought Al-ice, "they're sure to kill it in a day or two; wouldn't it be wrong to leave it here?" She said the last words out loud, and the child grunt-ed (it had left off sneez-ing by this time). "Don't grunt," said Al-ice, "that is not at all the right way to do."
The child grunt-ed a-gain and Al-ice looked at its face to see what was wrong with it. There could be no doubt that it had a turn-up nose, much more like a snout than a child's nose. Its eyes were quite small too; in fact she did not like the look of the thing at all.
"Per-haps that was not a grunt, but a sob," and she looked to see if there were tears in its eyes.
No, there were no tears. "If you're go-ing to turn in-to a pig, my dear," said Al-ice, "I'll have no more to do with you. Mind now!" The poor thing sobbed once more (or grunted, Al-ice couldn't say which).
"Now, what am I to do with this thing when I get it home?" thought Al-ice. Just then it grunt-ed so loud that she looked down at its face with some fear. This time there could be no doubt a-bout it—it was a pig!
So she set it down, and felt glad to see it trot off in-to the wood.
As she turned to walk on, she saw the Che-shire Cat on the bough of a tree a few yards off. The Cat grinned when it saw Al-ice. It looked like a good cat, she thought; still it had long claws and large teeth, so she felt she ought to be kind to it.
"Puss," said Al-ice, "would you please tell me which way I ought to walk from here?"
"That de-pends a good deal on where you want to go to," said the Cat.
"I don't much care where—" said Al-ice.
"Then you need not care which way you walk," said the Cat.
"—so long as I get somewhere," Al-ice add-ed.
"Oh, you're sure to do that if you don't stop," said the Cat.
Al-ice knew that this was true, so she asked: "What sort of peo-ple live near here?"
"In that way," said the Cat, with a wave of its right paw, "lives a Hat-ter; and in that way," with a wave of its left paw, "lives a March Hare. Go to see the one you like; they're both mad."
"But I don't want to go where mad folks live," said Al-ice.
"Oh, you can't help that," said the Cat, "we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad."
"How do you know I'm mad!" asked Al-ice.
"You must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."
Al-ice didn't think that proved it at all, but she went on; "and how do you know that you are mad?"
"First," said the Cat, "a dog's not mad. You grant that?"
"Yes."
"Well, then," the Cat went on, "you know a dog growls when it's angry, and wags its tail when it's pleased. Now I growl when I'm pleased, and wag my tail when I'm an-gry. So you see, I'm mad."
"I say the cat purrs; I do not call it a growl," said Al-ice.
"Call it what you like," said the Cat. "Do you play cro-quet with the Queen to-day?"
"I should like it, but I haven't been asked yet," said Al-ice.
"You'll see me there," said the Cat, then fa-ded out of sight.
Al-ice did not think this so queer as she was now used to strange things. While she still looked at the place where it had been, it came back a-gain, all at once.
"By-the-by, what be-came of the child?" it asked.
"It turned in-to a pig," Al-ice said.
"I thought it would," said the Cat, then once more fa-ded out of sight.
Al-ice wait-ed a while to see if it would come back, then walked on in the way in which the March Hare was said to live.
"I've seen Hat-ters," she said to her-self; "so I'll go to see the March Hare." As she said this, she looked up, and there sat the Cat on a branch of a tree.
"Did you say pig, or fig?" asked the Cat.
"I said pig; and I wish you wouldn't come and go, all at once, like you do; you make one quite gid-dy."
"All right," said the Cat; and this time it faded out in such a way that its tail went first, and the last thing Al-ice saw was the grin which stayed some time af-ter the rest of it had gone.
"Well, I've seen a cat with-out a grin," thought Al-ice; "but a grin with-out a cat! It's the strang-est thing I ev-er saw in all my life!"
She soon came in sight of the house of the March Hare; she thought it must be the right place, as the chim-neys were shaped like ears, and the roof was thatched with fur. It was so large a house, that she did not like to go too near while she was so small; so she ate a small piece from the left-hand bit of mush-room, and raised her-self to two feet high. Then she walked up to the house, though with some fear lest it should be mad as the Cat had said.
There was a ta-ble set out, in the shade of the trees in front of the house, and the March Hare and the Hat-ter were at tea; a Dor-mouse sat be-tween them, but it seemed to have gone to sleep.
The ta-ble was a long one, but the three were all crowd-ed at one cor-ner of it. "No room! No room!" they cried out as soon as they saw Al-ice. "There's plen-ty of room," she said, and sat down in a large arm-chair at one end of the table.
"Have some wine," the March Hare said in a kind tone.
Al-ice looked all round the ta-ble, but there was not a thing on it but tea. "I don't see the wine," she said.
"There isn't an-y," said the March Hare.
"Then it wasn't po-lite of you to ask me to have wine," said Al-ice.
"It wasn't po-lite of you to sit down when no one had asked you to have a seat," said the March Hare.
"I didn't know it was your ta-ble," said Al-ice; "it's laid for more than three."
"Your hair wants cut-ting," said the Hat-ter. He had looked hard at Al-ice for some time, and this was his first speech.
"You should learn not to speak to a guest like that," said Al-ice; "it is ve-ry rude."
The Hat-ter stretched his eyes quite wide at this; but all he said was, "Why is a rav-en like a desk?"
"Come, we shall have some fun now," thought Al-ice. "I think I can guess that," she added out loud.
"Do you mean that you think you can find out the an-swer to it?" asked the March Hare.
"I do," said Al-ice.
"Then you should say what you mean," the March Hare went on.
"I do," Al-ice said; "at least—at least I mean what I say—that's the same thing, you know."
"Not the same thing a bit!" said the Hat-ter. "Why, you might just as well say, 'I see what I eat' is the same thing as 'I eat what I see'!"
"You might just as well say," added the March Hare, that 'I like what I get' is the same thing as 'I get what I like'!"
"You might just as well say," added the Dor-mouse, who seemed to be talk-ing in his sleep, "that 'I breathe when I sleep' is the same thing as 'I sleep when I breathe'!"
"It is the same with you," said the Hat-ter.
No one spoke for some time, while Al-ice tried to think of all she knew of rav-ens and desks, which wasn't much.
The Hat-ter was the first to speak. "What day of the month is it?" he said, turn-ing to Al-ice. He had his watch in his hand, looked at it and shook it now and then while he held it to his ear.
Al-ice thought a-while, and said, "The fourth."
"Two days wrong!" sighed the Hat-ter. "I told you but-ter wouldn't suit this watch," he add-ed with a scowl as he looked at the March Hare.
"It was the best but-ter," the March Hare said.
"Yes, but some crumbs must have got in," the Hat-ter growled; "you shouldn't have put it in with the bread-knife."
The March Hare took the watch and looked at it; then dipped it in-to his cup of tea and looked at it a-gain; but all he could think to say was, "it was the best but-ter, you know."
"Oh, what a fun-ny watch!" said Al-ice. "It tells the day of the month and doesn't tell what o'clock it is!"
"Why should it?" growled the Hat-ter.
"Does your watch tell what year it is?"
"Of course not," said Al-ice, "but there's no need that it should, since it stays the same year such a long time."
"Which is just the case with mine," said the Hat-ter; which seemed to Al-ice to have no sense in it at all.
"I don't quite know what you mean," she said.
"The Dor-mouse has gone to sleep, once more," said the Hat-ter, and he poured some hot tea on the tip of its nose.
The Dor-mouse shook its head, and said with its eyes still closed, "Of course, of course; just what I want-ed to say my-self."
"Have you guessed the rid-dle yet?" the Hat-ter asked, turn-ing to Al-ice.
"No, I give it up," she said. "What's the an-swer?"
"I do not know at all," said the Hat-ter.
"Nor I," said the March Hare.
Al-ice sighed. "I think you might do bet-ter with the time than to waste it, by ask-ing rid-dles that have no an-swers."
"If you knew Time as well as I do, you wouldn't say 'waste it.' It's him."
"I don't know what you mean," Al-ice said.
"Of course you don't!" said the Hat-ter with a toss of his head. "I dare say you nev-er e-ven spoke to Time."
"May-be not," she said, "but I know I have to beat time when I learn to sing."
"Oh! that's it," said the Hat-ter. "He won't stand beat-ing. Now if you kept on good terms with him, he would do an-y-thing you liked with the clock. Say it was nine o'clock, just time to go to school; you'd have but to give a hint to Time, and round goes the clock! Half-past one, time for lunch."
"I wish it was," the March Hare said to it-self.
"That would be grand, I'm sure," said Al-ice: "but then—I shouldn't be hun-gry for it, you know."
"Not at first, per-haps, but you could keep it to half-past one as long as you liked," said the Hat-ter.
"Is that the way you do?" asked Al-ice.
The Hat-ter shook his head and sighed. "Not I," he said. "Time and I fell out last March. It was at the great con-cert giv-en by the Queen of Hearts and I had to sing:
You know the song, per-haps?"
"I've heard some-thing like it," said Alice.
"It goes on, you know," the Hat-ter said, "in this way:
Here the Dor-mouse shook it-self and sang in its sleep, "twin-kle, twin-kle, twin-kle, twin-kle——" and went on so long that they had to pinch it to make it stop.
"Well, while I sang the first verse," the Hat-ter went on, "the Queen bawled out 'See how he mur-ders the time! Off with his head!' And ev-er since that, he won't do a thing I ask! It's al-ways six o'clock now."
A bright thought came in-to Al-ice's head. "Is that why so man-y tea things are put out here?" she asked.
"Yes, that's it," said the Hat-ter with a sigh: "it's al-ways tea-time, and we've no time to wash the things."
"Then you keep mov-ing round, I guess," said Al-ice.
"Just so," said the Hat-ter; "as the things get used up."
"But when you come to the place where you started, what do you do then?" Al-ice dared to ask.
"I'm tired of this," yawned the March Hare. "I vote you tell us a tale."
"I fear I don't know one," said Al-ice.
"I want a clean cup," spoke up the Hat-ter.
He moved on as he spoke, and the Dor-mouse moved in-to his place; the March Hare moved in-to the Dor-mouse's place and Al-ice, none too well pleased, took the place of the March Hare. The Hat-ter was the on-ly one to get an-y good from the change; and Al-ice was a good deal worse off, as the March Hare had up-set the milk-jug in-to his plate.
"Now, for your sto-ry," the March Hare said to Al-ice.
"I'm sure I don't know,"—Alice be-gan, "I—I don't think—"
"Then you shouldn't talk," said the Hat-ter.
This was more than Al-ice could stand; so she got up and walked off, and though she looked back once or twice and half hoped they would call af-ter her, they didn't seem to know that she was gone. The last time she saw them, they were trying to put the poor Dor-mouse head first in-to the tea-pot.
"Well, I'll not go there a-gain," said Al-ice as she picked her way through the wood. "It's the dull-est tea-par-ty I was ev-er at in all my life."
As Al-ice said this, she saw that one of the trees had a door that led right in-to it. "That's strange!" she thought; "but I haven't seen a thing to-day that isn't strange. I think I may as well go in at once." And in she went.
Once more she found her-self in a long hall, and close to the lit-tle glass stand. She took up the lit-tle key and un-locked the door that led to the gar-den. Then she set to work to eat some of the mush-room which she still had with her. When she was a-bout a foot high, she went through the door and walked down the lit-tle hall; then—she found herself, at last, in the love-ly garden, where she had seen the bright blooms and the cool foun-tains.
A large rose tree stood near the gar-den gate. The blooms on it were white, but three men who seemed to be in great haste were paint-ing them red. Al-ice thought this a strange thing to do, so she went near-er to watch them. Just as she came up to them, she heard one of them say, "Look out now, Five! Don't splash paint on me like that!"
"I couldn't help it," said Five, "Six knocked my arm."
On which Six looked up and said, "That's right, Five! Don't fail to lay the blame on some one else."
"You needn't talk," said Five. "I heard the Queen say your head must come off."
"What for?" asked the one who spoke first.
"What is that to you, Two?" said Six.
"It is much to him and I'll tell him," said Five. "He brought the cook tu-lip roots for on-ions."
Six flung down the brush and said, "Well, of all the wrong things—" Just then his eyes chanced to fall on Al-ice, who stood and watched them, and he checked him-self at once; Five and Two looked round al-so, and all of them bowed low.
"Would you tell me, please," said Al-ice, "why you paint those ros-es?"
Five and Six did not speak, but looked at Two, who said in a low voice, "Why, the fact is, you see, Miss, this here ought to have been a red rose tree, and by mis-take a white one was put in, and if the Queen was to find it out, we should all have our heads cut off, you know. So you see, Miss, we are hard at work to get it paint-ed, so that she may not—" Just then Five, who had stood and watched the gate for some time, called out, "The Queen! the Queen!" and the three men at once threw them-selves flat up-on their fa-ces. Al-ice heard the tramp of feet and looked round, glad if at last she could see the Queen.
First came ten sol-diers with clubs; these were all shaped like the three men at the rose tree, long and flat like cards, with their hands and feet at the cor-ners; next came ten men who were trimmed with di-a-monds and walked two and two like the sol-diers. The ten chil-dren of the King and Queen came next; and the little dears came with a skip and a jump hand in hand by twos. They were trimmed with hearts.
Next came the guests, most of whom were Kings and Queens. Al-ice saw the White Rab-bit, with them. He did not seem at ease though he smiled at all that was said. He didn't see Al-ice as he went by. Then came the Knave of Hearts with the King's crown on a red vel-vet cush-ion; and last of all came The King and Queen of Hearts.
At first Al-ice thought it might be right for her to lie down on her face like the three men at the rose tree, "but what would be the use of such a fine show," she thought, "if all had to lie down so that they couldn't see it?" So she stood where she was and wait-ed.
When they came to where she stood, they all stopped and looked at her, and the Queen said in a stern voice, "Who is this?" She spoke to the Knave of Hearts, who bowed and smiled but did not speak.
"Fool!" said the Queen with a toss of her head; then she turned to Al-ice and asked, "What's your name, child?"
"My name is Al-ice, so please your ma-jes-ty," said Al-ice, but she thought to her-self, "Why they're a mere pack of cards. I need have no fears of them."
"And who are these?" asked the Queen, as she point-ed to the three men who still lay round the rose tree; for you see as they all lay on their faces and their backs were the same as the rest of the pack, she could not tell who they were.
"How should I know?" said Al-ice, and thought it strange that she should speak to a Queen in that way.
The Queen turned red with rage, glared at her for a mo-ment like a wild beast, then screamed, "Off with her head! Off—"
"Non-sense!" said Al-ice, in a loud, firm voice, and the Queen said no more.
The King laid his hand on the Queen's arm and said, "Think, my dear, she is but a child!"
The Queen turned from him with a scowl and said to the Knave, "Turn them o-ver!"
The Knave did so, with one foot.
"Get up!" said the Queen in a shrill loud voice, and the three men jumped up, at once, and bowed to the King, and Queen and to the whole crowd.
"Leave off that!" screamed the Queen; "you make me gid-dy." Then she turned to the rose tree and asked, "What have you been do-ing here?"
"May it please your ma-jes-ty," said Two, and went down on one knee as he spoke, "we were try-ing—"
"I see!" said the Queen, who in the mean time had seen that some of the ros-es were paint-ed red and some were still white. "Off with their heads!" and the crowd moved on, while three of the sol-diers stayed to cut off the heads of the poor men, who ran to Al-ice for help.
"They shan't hurt you," she said, as she hid them in a large flow-er pot that stood near. The three sol-diers walked round and looked for them a short while, then marched off.
"Are their heads off?" shout-ed the Queen.
"Their heads are gone, if it please your ma-jes-ty," the sol-diers shouted back.
"That's right!" shouted the Queen. "Can you play cro-quet?" she asked Al-ice.
"Yes," shouted Al-ice.
"Come on then!" roared the Queen, and Al-ice went on with them.
"It's—it's a fine day!" said a weak voice at her side. It was the White Rab-bit who peeped up in-to her face.
"Yes," said Al-ice: "where's the Duch-ess?"
"Hush! Hush!" said the Rab-bit, in a low tone. He looked back as he spoke, then raised up on tip-toe, put his mouth close to her ear and whis-pered, "She's to have her head cut off."
"What for?" asked Al-ice.
"Did you say, 'What a pit-y!'?" the Rab-bit asked.
"No, I didn't," said Al-ice: "I don't think it's at all a pit-y. I said 'What for?'"
"She boxed the Queen's ears—" the Rab-bit be-gan. Al-ice gave a lit-tle scream of joy.
"Oh, hush!" the Rab-bit whis-pered in a great fright. "The Queen will hear you! You see she came late, and the Queen said—"
"Each one to his place!" shout-ed the Queen in a loud voice, and peo-ple ran this way and that in great haste and soon each one had found his place, and the game be-gan.
Al-ice thought she had nev-er seen such a strange cro-quet ground in all her life: it was all ridges; the balls were live hedge-hogs; the mal-lets were live birds, and the sol-diers bent down and stood on their hands and feet to make the arch-es.
At first Al-ice found it hard to use a live bird for a mal-let. It was a large bird with a long neck and long legs. She tucked it un-der her arm with its legs down, but just as she got its neck straight and thought now she could give the ball a good blow with its head, the bird would twist its neck round and give her such a queer look, that she could not help laugh-ing; and by the time she had got its head down a-gain, she found that the hedge-hog had crawled off. Then too there was al-ways a ridge or a hole in the way of where she want-ed to send her ball; and she couldn't find an arch in its place, for the men would get up and walk off when it pleased them. Al-ice soon made up her mind that it was a ve-ry hard game to play.
The Queen was soon in a great rage, and stamped a-bout, shout-ing "Off with his head!" or "Off with her head!" with each breath.
Al-ice felt quite ill at ease; to be sure, she had not as yet had cause to feel the wrath of the Queen, but she knew not how soon it might be her turn; "and then," she thought, "what shall I do?"
As she was look-ing round for some way to get off with-out be-ing seen, she saw a strange thing in the air, which she at last made out to be a grin, and she said to her-self, "It's the Cat; now I shall have some one to talk to."
"How do you do?" said the Cat as soon as its whole mouth came out.
Al-ice wait-ed till she saw the eyes, then nod-ded. "It's no use to speak to it till its ears have come, or at least one of them." In a short time the whole head came in view, then she put down her bird and told him of the game; glad that she had some one that was pleased to hear her talk.
"I don't think they are at all fair in the game," said Al-ice with a scowl; "and they all talk so loud that one can't hear one's self speak—and they don't have rules to play by; at least if they have, they don't mind them—and you don't know how bad it is to have to use live things to play with. The arch I have to go through next walked off just now to the far end of the ground—and I should have struck the Queen's hedge-hog, but it ran off when it saw that mine was near!"
"How do you like the Queen?" asked the Cat in a low voice.
"Not at all," said Al-ice, "she's so—" Just then she saw that the Queen was be-hind her and heard what she said; so she went on, "sure to win that it's not worth while to go on with the game."
The Queen smiled and passed on.
"Who are you talk-ing to?" said the King, as he came up to Al-ice and stared at the Cat's head as if it were a strange sight.
"It's a friend of mine—a Che-shire Cat," said Al-ice.
"I don't like the look of it at all," said the King; "it may kiss my hand if it likes."
"I don't want to," said the Cat.
"Don't be rude; and don't look at me like that," said the King.
"A cat may look at a king," said Al-ice. "I've read that in some book, but I can't tell where."
"Well, it must get off from here," said the King in a firm voice, and he called to the Queen, who was near, "My dear! I wish you would see that this cat leaves here at once!"
The Queen had but one cure for all ills, great or small. "Off with his head," she said, and did not so much as look round.
"I'll fetch the sol-dier my-self," said the King, and rushed off.
Al-ice thought she might as well go back, and see how the game went on. She heard the Queen's voice in the dis-tance, as she screamed with rage, "Off with his head! He has missed his turn!" Al-ice did not like the look of things at all, for the game was so mixed she could not tell when her turn came; so she went off to find her hedge-hog.
She came up with two hedge-hogs in a fierce fight, and thought now was a good time to strike one of them, but her mal-let was gone to the oth-er side of the ground, and she saw it in a weak sort of way as it tried to fly up in-to a tree.
By the time she had caught the bird and brought it back, the fight was o-ver, and both hedge-hogs were out of sight. "I don't care much," thought Al-ice, "for there is not an arch on this side the ground." So she went back to have some more talk with her friend.
When she reached the place, she found quite a crowd round the Cat. The King and the Queen and the sol-dier who had come with the axe, to cut off the Cat's head, were all talking at once, while all the rest stood with closed lips and looked quite grave.
As soon as they saw Al-ice, they want-ed her to say which one was right, but as all three spoke at once, she found it hard to make out what they said.
The sol-dier said that you couldn't cut off a head unless there was a bod-y to cut it off from; that he had nev-er had to do such a thing, and he wouldn't be-gin it now, at his time of life.
The King said that all heads could be cut off, and that you weren't to talk non-sense.
The Queen said, if some-thing wasn't done in less than no time, heads should come off all round. (It was this last threat that had made the whole crowd look so grave as Al-ice came up.)
Al-ice could think of nothing else to say but, "Ask the Duch-ess, it is her Cat."
"Fetch her here," the Queen said to the sol-dier, and he went off like an ar-row.
The Cat's head start-ed to fade out of sight as soon as he was gone, and by the time he had come back with the Duch-ess, it could not be seen at all; so the King and the man ran up and down look-ing for it, while the rest went back to the game.
"You can't think how glad I am to see you once more, you dear old thing!" said the Duch-ess as she took Al-ice's arm, and they walked off side by side.
Al-ice was glad to see her in such a fine mood, and thought to her-self that the Duch-ess might not be so bad as she had seemed to be when they first met.
Then Al-ice fell in-to a long train of thought as to what she would do if she were a Duch-ess.
She quite lost sight of the Duch-ess by her side, and was star-tled when she heard her voice close to her ear.
"You have some-thing on your mind, my dear, and that makes you for-get to talk. I can't tell you just now what the mor-al of that is, but I shall think of it in a bit."
"Are you sure it has one?" asked Al-ice.
"Tut, tut, child!" said the Duch-ess; "all things have a mor-al if you can but find it." And she squeezed up close to Al-ice's side as she spoke.
Al-ice did not much like to have the Duch-ess keep so close, but she didn't like to be rude, so she bore it as well as she could.
"The game is not so bad now," Al-ice said, think-ing she ought to fill in the time with talk of some kind.
"'Tis so," said the Duch-ess, "and the mor-al of that is—'Oh, 'tis love, 'tis love, that makes the world go round!'"
"Some one said, it's done by each one mind-ing his own work," said Al-ice.
"Ah! well, it means much the same thing," said the Duch-ess, then add-ed, "and the mor-al of that is—'Take care of the sense and the sounds will take care of themselves.'"
"How she likes to find mor-als in things," said Al-ice.
"Why don't you talk more and not think so long?" asked the Duch-ess.
"I've a right to think," said Al-ice in a sharp tone, for she was tired and vexed.
"Just as much right," said the Duch-ess, "as pigs have to fly; and the mor—"
But here the voice of the Duch-ess died out in the midst of her pet word, "mor-al," and Al-ice felt the arm that was linked in hers shake as if with fright. Al-ice looked up and there stood the Queen in front of them with her arms fold-ed, and a dark frown up-on her face.
"A fine day, your ma-jes-ty!" the Duch-ess be-gan in a weak voice.
"Now, I warn you in time," shout-ed the Queen, with a stamp on the ground as she spoke; "ei-ther you or your head must be off, and that in a-bout half no time! Take your choice!"
The Duch-ess took her choice and was gone in a mo-ment.
"Let's go on with the game," the Queen said to Al-ice; and Al-ice was in too great a fright to speak, but went with her, back to the cro-quet ground.
The guests had all sat down in the shade to rest while the Queen was a-way, but as soon as they saw her they rushed back to the game; while the Queen said if they were not in their pla-ces at once, it would cost them their lives.
All the time the game went on the Queen kept shout-ing, "Off with his head!" or "Off with her head!" so that by the end of half an hour there was no one left on the grounds but the King, the Queen, and Al-ice.
Then the Queen left off, quite out of breath, and said to Al-ice, "Have you seen the Mock Tur-tle yet?"
"No," said Al-ice, "I don't know what a Mock-tur-tle is."
"It is a thing Mock Tur-tle Soup is made from," the Queen said.
"I've nev-er seen or heard of one," Alice said.
"Come on then, and he shall tell you his sto-ry," said the Queen.
As they walked off, Al-ice heard the King say in a low tone to those whom the Queen had doomed to death, "You may all go free!" "Come, that's a good thing," thought Al-ice, for she felt ver-y sad that all those men must have their heads cut off.
They soon came to where a Gry-phon lay fast a-sleep in the sun. (If you don't know what it is like, look at the pic-ture.) "Up, dull thing!" said the Queen, "and take this young la-dy to see the Mock Tur-tle. I must go back now;" and she walked a-way and left Al-ice with the Gry-phon. Al-ice was by no means pleased with its looks, but she thought she would be quite as safe with it as she would be with the Queen; so she wait-ed.
The Gry-phon sat up and rubbed its eyes; then watched the Queen till she was out of sight; then it laughed. "What fun!" it said, half to it-self, half to Alice.
"What is the fun?" she asked.
"Why, she," it said. "It's all a whim of hers; they nev-er cut off those heads, you know. Come on."
Soon they saw the Mock Tur-tle sitting sad and lone on a ledge of rock, and as they came near, Al-ice could hear him sigh as if his heart would break. "What makes him so sad?" Al-ice asked.
"It's all a whim of his," said the Gry-phon; "he hasn't got no grief, you know. Come on!"
So they went up to the Mock Tur-tle, who looked at them with large eyes full of tears, but did not speak.
"This here young la-dy," said the Gry-phon, "she wants for to know a-bout your past life, she do."
"I'll tell it to her," said the Mock Tur-tle in a deep, sad tone: "sit down both of you and don't speak a word till I get through."
So they sat down, and no one spoke for some time.
"Once," said the Mock Tur-tle at last, with a deep sigh, "I was a re-al Tur-tle. When we were young we went to school in the sea. We were taught by an old Tur-tle—we used to call him Tor-toise—"
"Why did you call him Tor-toise, if he wasn't one?" Al-ice asked.
"He taught us, that's why," said the Mock Tur-tle: "you are quite dull not to know that!"
"Shame on you to ask such a sim-ple thing," add-ed the Gry-phon; then they both sat and looked at poor Al-ice, who felt as if she could sink into the earth.
At last the Gry-phon said to the Mock Tur-tle, "Drive on, old fellow! Don't be all day a-bout it!" and he went on in these words:
"Yes, we went to school in the sea, though you mayn't think it's true—"
"I didn't say I did not!" said Al-ice.
"You did," said the Mock Tur-tle.
"Hold your tongue," add-ed the Gry-phon.
The Mock Tur-tle went on:
"We were well taught—in fact we went to school each day—"
"I've been to a day school too," said Alice; "you needn't be so proud as all that."
"Were you taught wash-ing?" asked the Mock Tur-tle.
"Of course not," said Al-ice.
"Ah! then yours wasn't a good school," said the Mock Tur-tle. "Now at ours they had at the end of the bill, 'French, mu-sic, and wash-ing—ex-tra.'"
"You couldn't have need-ed it much in the sea," said Al-ice.
"I didn't learn it," said the Mock Tur-tle, with a sigh. "I just took the first course."
"What was that?" asked Al-ice.
"Reel-ing and Writh-ing, of course, at first," the Mock Tur-tle said. "An old eel used to come once a week. He taught us to drawl, to stretch and to faint in coils."
"What was that like?" Al-ice asked.
"Well, I can't show you, my-self," he said: "I'm too stiff. And the Gry-phon didn't learn it."
"How man-y hours a day did you do les-sons?" asked Al-ice.
"Ten hours the first day," said the Mock Tur-tle; "nine the next and so on."
"What a strange plan!" said Al-ice.
"That's why they're called les-sons," said the Gry-phon: "they les-sen from day to day."
This was such a new thing to Al-ice that she sat still a good while and didn't speak. "Then there would be a day when you would have no school," she said.
"Of course there would," said the Mock Tur-tle.
"What did you do then?" asked Al-ice.
"I'm tired of this," said the Gry-phon: "tell her now of the games we played."
The Mock Tur-tle sighed, looked at Al-ice and tried to speak, but for a min-ute or two sobs choked his voice. "Same as if he had a bone in his throat," said the Gry-phon, and set to work to shake him and punch him in the back. At last the Mock Tur-tle found his voice and with tears run-ning down his cheeks, he went on: